


Missing You

by AlpacaJinnie



Category: Arslan Senki | Heroic Legend of Arslan
Genre: M/M, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-16 12:03:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9269621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlpacaJinnie/pseuds/AlpacaJinnie
Summary: Modern AU in which Andragoras is CEO of a large corporation and in which Arslan has been struggling with Elam's death for a long time. He's always blamed himself. Daryun and Narsus think it's time for change.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Ooriens on tumblr as a Secret Santa gift

## Missing You

Daryun hurried after his employer’s son, briefly forgetting his formalities. “Arslan!”

It was never supposed to happen. Elam was never supposed to be there. Arslan should have never opened up to him. These were all thoughts the young corporate heir had afterwards, but it was all too late now. He had failed the only one he never wanted to fail. Thinking back of it made him nauseous and forced him to enter a race with his stomach for the nearest toilet.

“Young master?” Daryun knocked first, but when the door didn’t open, he pushed at it to find it wasn’t locked. Arslan sat with his back towards the door, collapsed onto the tiles. Daryun slowly walked around the boy to face him. He crouched down to find his employer’s son with tears tainting his once innocently smiling face. 

He had worried over the boy for years. He was not exactly sure what had happened, but it was staged as a mugging. With Andragoras’ side business, though, it was clear that more was going on than the superficial police reports explained. From what Daryun had gathered, Arslan and Elam had been followed after a meeting at a restaurant. Andragoras had stayed inside while the boys had taken a car home. Some miscommunication on the gang’s side left them believing that Andragoras was in the car too. He assumed Elam had shielded Arslan and taken the brunt of the rage. Daryun had known Arslan before but he had lost most of his smiles. His bright nature faded as well.

“I’m fine.” The boy responded. It was an obvious lie yet his bodyguard would never press further. His bodyguard, whom his father deemed necessary only _after_ the incident.

He always had the same dream. The tense atmosphere, the shouting, the flashes. It had been a long time now, but Arslan was not willing to keep track of the time that had passed. He let time slip by in the hope that he would slowly forget the trauma. If he could forget, maybe the nightmares would fade too. But he was scared, scared that Elam would fade with bad memories.

Daryun hesitated for a moment before moving closer to the broken boy. He wanted to console him somehow but he just didn’t know how to. Slightly uncertain, the bodyguard tried gently laying his hand on the boy’s back, and decided it might be better to just let Arslan go through this for now. The least he could do was making sure Arslan knew he was by his side. 

As Arslan’s sobbing gradually quieted, and his shoulders stopped shaking, Daryun rose up to find something for his charge to clean his face with. He opened a few cupboards and quickly found a washcloth which he wetted. He glanced at the cloth and then the boy’s face, debating whether he should give the washcloth to the boy or do this for him. In the end he swiftly decided it would be more appropriate to hand it to Arslan. With shaking hands he cleaned his face before allowing Daryun to take the cloth. The bodyguard then proceeded to offer his hand and help the boy stand, he was still rather unstable. 

“Thank you. I’ll return to my chambers now,” he uttered softly.

Daryun hesitated a few moments before asking “Would you like to drink something first? I could make you a cup of hot chocolate.”

As an answer, the boy just nodded shortly. 

They silently made their way to the kitchen. Arslan sat down at the table whilst Daryun opened the overhead cupboards in search of what he needed. 

Arslan’s mind drifted back to when Elam was there. He pictured Elam gracefully moving about the kitchen. They often ate with the two of them when Narsus wasn’t home. Arslan’s parents were rarely home for dinner either way. He always tried to help Elam but ended up doing more harm than good for their meals. With a bitter smile, he recalled Elam scolding him and then doing all the work by himself. However, he knew that as soon as Elam turned around, he’d smile. He’d smile because Arslan was always trying to help. 

“And look where that got us.” Arslan bitterly thought to himself. “Look what I did.”

The second loud ping from the microwave brought him back to the present. He looked up and saw Daryun’s concerned face, only now realising that his cheeks were wet again. He dried them with his sleeves and gratefully took the warm cup that Daryun held out. It didn’t taste too good, but at least it was warm and somewhat sweet. His bodyguard sat down across from him and the boy drank his hot chocolate in silence, staring into the cup, his mind in the past - in happier times. 

Too soon, he found himself back in bed staring at the ceiling. Daryun was in the next room and would rest on the couch there. He had been quite reluctant to leave to his own room and Arslan didn’t have any objections. In a way, Daryun reminded him of the stories Elam told about his mother before she died. But then, didn’t everything remind him of Elam somehow? 

The boy’s heart ached as he thought back to the time he spent with Elam until he eventually fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

Daryun sighed a little as he leaned against the wall, catching fragments of the geography class in the other room. It was as if he had gone ten years back in time and reliving his high school days. The school had not changed all that much in the past decade, his old teachers giving him a “how have you been?” or a nod of recognition when they passed by. 

Daryun glanced into the classroom to see how his charge was doing. The bodyguard sighed somewhat dispiritedly as he saw the boy staring out the window. Every now and then people would look in his direction and whisper something but the boy hardly noticed. 

“Daryun?”

The bodyguard turned to find who spoke to him though he had already recognised the voice.

“Narsus?”

“What are _you_ doing here?!” 

“My job. Andragoras hired me to protect Arslan.” he said. “What are you doing here?” the bodyguard asked suspiciously.

“I teach arts, evidently.” said Narsus.

Daryun ignored the ramifications and looked back into the classroom.

“How has he been? After the incident, I mean. Has he been coping?”

“Barely” replied Daryun. “Just yesterday he had nightmares again. I think he still blames himself for what happened.”

The arts teacher sighed and joined Daryun at the door, peeking inside. 

“I expected as much,” he said. “He always blames himself for others being hurt around him.”

He crossed his arms and leaned back towards the wall. Narsus looked to his side to find the bodyguard still looking into the classroom.

“They’re all whispering and pointing at him,” the bodyguard spoke in disapproval. “I wonder if he even notices though. He’s been lost for so long. He seems to just blankly stare most of the days.” 

“Daryun, there’s something I wanted to tell you. Although I wanted to become a teacher for a while, I did take this job at least partially to be there for Arslan. Elam wouldn’t have wanted him to torture himself like this. Maybe I can help out.”

Daryun just gave a grunt of approval.

“Has he -,” Narsus paused for a moment, questioning whether he should bring this up, “has he visited the grave since the funeral?”

Daryun shook his head. “When he’s not at school he usually locks himself up in his room or in the bathroom. That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t see Elam’s face everywhere.”

“That bad huh?”

“Yeah.” 

The bodyguard let out another sigh. The bell rang, and they knew both of them had to leave soon. 

“Listen, Daryun,” Narsus began “I have class now, but please come by with Arslan some time.”

Daryun grunted in affirmation. “It’d probably be good if he heard from you how Elam would’ve felt...” 

“Narsus?”

“Hey Arslan.”

The boy awkwardly looked away, not able to face Narsus. Narsus noticed quickly but decided it’d be best to leave for now. He’d give Arslan the full story later.

“I’m sorry, I have to get to class before my students decide I’m not showing up.” Narsus said in an attempt to briefly better the mood. Arslan gave a short, sour smile as Narsus turned and left. He stared at the teacher’s back until he entered a classroom down the hallway.

He snapped back to reality as Daryun put a hand on his shoulder and gently spoke “Come, you have to get to your next class.”

“Oh... right. Math 102, right?”

* * *

“Arslan, you like green tea, don’t you?”

Arslan and Daryun sat  together on the couch in a tiny apartment, surrounded by unfinished canvasses. 

“Why are we here?” Arslan whispered to his bodyguard as soon as the painter had disappeared into the kitchen. “I’d rather be home,” he said whilst fidgeting with his sleeve. Seeing Narsus at school was difficult enough, but now he had been dragged back to Elam’s home. He shuffled awkwardly as Narsus set down the tea before him. 

“How have you been, Arslan?”

“I’m fine,” he quietly spoke, knowing no one would take the lie.

“Arslan,” Narsus took Arslan’s hands and crouched to look the boy full in the face. “Have you talked to anyone about this at all?”

Arslan gloomily looked down to his hands and swallowed. He never wanted to bother other people with his problems and thought it’d be better if he carried this himself. He had always thought that he relied on others too much anyway. 

“No.” The answer was nearly inaudible.

Narsus gave the boy a compassionate smile. “I thought so.”

“Do we have to talk about this?” Arslan spoke in a trembling voice. “I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have invited him that day. I’m so sorry.”

“Arslan, I’m not blaming you, no one is.”

“Okay,” the boy spoke, but neither Daryun nor Narsus believed him.

“Arslan,” the bodyguard spoke. “Please just hear Narsus out.”

He was a little sceptical about whether they could let Arslan realise that it was not his fault, but he had to try. It couldn’t go on like this. The boy was destroying himself; the nightmares, the break-downs - it had to stop. And Daryun wanted this to be the first step. He could see the tears welling up in the corners of the boy’s eyes. He really disliked seeing Arslan cry, but it was a necessity if he was ever going to move on.  Narsus tried to get the boy to look at him again before continuing by lightly squeezing his hands. But the boy refused to cooperate, he kept dodging the older men’s eyes. The encouragements for looking them in the eye only made him hurt more. Tears started flowing again.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He kept repeating it over and over. “It’s my fault, I should never have taken him knowing my father was there. I’m sorry.” 

“Arslan,” Narsus’ tone had a strict edge to it. Arslan looked up in surprise, fearing he’d angered the man. “Listen. You know this is not your fault. Elam decided to come with you! He wanted to. You couldn’t have known what would happen. In fact, if either of you had known, Elam would have made sure you never went.”

“That- but- I shouldn’t-” he freed his hands from Narsus’ grasp to wipe at his tears. “I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have.”

Daryun, out of habit, got up to look for a handkerchief. Fussing about the apartment for a handkerchief, he found an old photo instead. It was a picture of Elam and Arslan in their favourite part of the estate’s gardens. Elam sighing and Arslan furiously trying to clean up the mess he made after dropping some plates. It gave Daryun an idea. But first he had to find a handkerchief. 

As soon as he found one, he rejoined the other two in the tiny living room and handed the cloth to Arslan. 

“I think it’s a good idea if you went to visit his grave.” Narsus suddenly spoke. “It’s his birthday and a day before your anniversary.” 

Arslan’s tears multiplied when he thought about the would-have-been events.  

“I think he would like it if you visited,” Daryun spoke.

“It would be good for you. Visiting Elam might provide some closure.” the bodyguard’s friend pitched in. “Just know that he would have never wanted you to torture yourself like this. He just wanted you to smile.”

The boy was now sobbing intensely and the handkerchief did not help against the tears anymore. His shoulders were shaking and he knew that if he would try to speak, it would come out as nothing more than choked sobs. Instead of answering he nodded to show he would visit Elam’s grave. 

* * *

He was shaking as they neared the entrance to the graveyard. So much in fact that Daryun told the boy to hold onto his arm. Arslan was nervous. He hadn’t been here for the past several months. He was carrying a bouquet of Elam’s favourite wild flowers, which he always picked in the huge garden of Andragoras’ estate. When they arrived at the entrance, Narsus came towards them and greeted them. 

“Thank you for coming, Arslan. I’m sure Elam will be very happy to see you.” He smiled and waved his goodbye and went on his way

They slowly walked towards the grave, Daryun making sure that Arslan could still handle it, checking if he was fine, relative to the circumstances, at every other step. The boy was already crying but he still seemed like he wanted to continue. And that he did. He was now determined to visit Elam, he wanted to. He had to see it again, relive what had happened one last time and then maybe he could finally say goodbye. 

Soon enough they arrived at the grave. Daryun respectfully stayed a few paces back. 

“H-Hey Elam,” the boy stuttered. He brought his free hand to his face as he kneeled before the grave. Daryun worriedly took a step forward to put his hand on the boy’s shoulder. He gave him some time to recover before encouraging Arslan to talk a little more. He spoke a little of the time without Elam, but soon the tears overwhelmed him.

“I miss you Elam. I miss you so much.”

Daryun just stood beside the boy as he shed his tears. Eventually they dried up but his shoulders were still shaking. The bodyguard decided that this would be a good moment to start his plan. He reached into his coat and took out the picture he had found in Narsus’ apartment, and set it down against the headstone. 

Arslan looked at it intently for a long while but eventually spoke again.

“Do you remember, Elam? I broke all the expensive plates when we went picnicking.” He actually managed a soft laugh between his drying tears as he remembered the day. Daryun was hoping that Arslan would get what he meant with the picture. That the boy should stop blaming himself for something that wasn’t his fault, stop looking at the hardship that was thrown at him unjustly. But instead to focus on the good times he had with Elam and remember him like that. 

Seeing the boy laugh a little gave the bodyguard hope that he had, though. 

Eventually, the boy put the flowers down next to the picture and sighed. He had decided to remember Elam as bright as he had always been, instead of a dark past and source of sadness. He got up and wiped the dust from his knees.

“Thanks Elam.”

And he smiled, this time without bitterness.

“For everything.”


End file.
